“When in Troy, do as the Trojans do… unless you’re about to get stabbed.”
Short Synopsis
The TARDIS lands in the middle of the Trojan War, because apparently the Doctor can’t go anywhere without becoming history’s weirdest third wheel. He’s mistaken for Zeus, Vicki gets renamed “Cressida,” and Steven nearly dies more times than can be counted. Meanwhile, the Greeks and Trojans bicker until a certain wooden horse shows up. Spoiler: it doesn’t end well for Troy, or for the TARDIS crew’s safety record.
Extended Storyline
The Doctor, being his usual humble self, steps out of the TARDIS in the middle of a war zone and is promptly mistaken for Zeus by the Greeks. Because nothing says “King of the Gods” like a cranky old man in a cape, right? Odysseus in particular thinks he’s onto something, and immediately ropes the Doctor into coming up with a battle plan.
Meanwhile, Steven is captured by the Trojans. He spends most of the story either in chains, in trouble, or bleeding dramatically. Vicki, on the other hand, is having the time of her life. The Trojans rename her “Cressida,” and she promptly falls in love with Troilus (son of Priam). Forget traveling through time and space — Vicki’s ready to settle down in ancient Troy with a guy who hasn’t even invented soap yet.
Back with the Greeks, the Doctor tries to avoid inventing weapons of mass destruction, but Odysseus is not the type to take “no” for an answer. Eventually, the Doctor gives in and suggests a giant wooden horse as a “totally peaceful” way to end the war. Cue history playing out exactly as you remember from school, except with more shouting, more snark, and slightly cheaper costumes.
The Greeks sneak inside the horse, Troy is utterly demolished, and the body count skyrockets. Steven gets wounded, the Trojans get massacred, and Vicki decides she’d rather stay behind with her new boyfriend than keep traveling with the Doctor. (Apparently, the endless risk of Dalek extermination just couldn’t compete with life in a smoldering ruin.)
In the aftermath, the TARDIS crew is down one member — but hey, they gain another: Katarina, a handmaiden of Cassandra, who mistakes the Doctor for a god (again) and decides to join his service. Spoiler alert: she won’t last long.