Curse of Anubis

When an alien jackal-headed god shows up in London demanding worshippers, K-9 discovers that divine wrath is just badly coded ego.

Extended Storyline

The episode opens at the British Museum, where Professor Gryffen has been roped into consulting on the opening of a newly unearthed Egyptian tomb exhibit. Starkey, naturally, is there for the free snacks. Jorjie and Darius tag along, partly to keep Starkey from breaking things and partly because “ancient curses” sound more exciting than quantum physics homework.

When the exhibit’s main attraction—a massive jackal-headed sarcophagus—is unveiled, the lights flicker, the crowd gasps, and a faint humming begins to resonate through the building. K-9’s sensors immediately detect “non-terrestrial energy emissions.” Gryffen frowns. Starkey jokes about “mummies with Wi-Fi.” Then the sarcophagus opens itself and all humor stops.

A towering figure steps out, gleaming with gold armor and radiating arrogance. “I am Anubis, Lord of the Afterlife. Kneel.” Most of the audience assumes it’s a holographic display—until museum guards start levitating and statues begin chanting in unison. Anubis proclaims that humanity has strayed from the old ways and must once again “feed the gods with obedience.”

K-9 attempts diplomacy (“Statement: Probability of true divinity: 0.0004%”) but Anubis isn’t amused. With a gesture, he blasts the robotic dog across the room, shorting his circuits. Cue dramatic fall and spark shower. Starkey scoops up K-9’s smoldering frame as the gang flees the museum.

Back at the lab, Gryffen revives K-9 with what looks suspiciously like jumper cables and strong tea. Analysis reveals that Anubis isn’t a deity at all, but an Anubian, an alien race that once visited Earth millennia ago. They engineered the mythology to harvest psychic energy from early humans. And now, apparently, they’re back for seconds.

Meanwhile, the Department has its hands full. Inspector Drake insists the situation is “an elaborate viral marketing stunt.” (One suspects she’d call the apocalypse a “traffic incident.”) But Jorjie’s mother—still a ranking Department officer—quietly provides intel showing that “worshipper cells” are forming all over London. People touched by Anubis are entering trance states, spreading his influence through psychic resonance.

K-9’s plan is both simple and insane: build a counter-frequency device that can disrupt the resonance pattern. Unfortunately, the only power source capable of sustaining it is the Rift beneath Gryffen’s lab. Gryffen, being Gryffen, mutters that this could “accidentally open a doorway to somewhere unpleasant.” K-9 replies, “Statement: Define unpleasant.”

As the team prepares, Anubis manifests over central London, turning the Thames a glowing red and commanding the city to submit. Buildings quake, and spectral jackals appear roaming the streets. Starkey, ever helpful, quips, “Well, at least the traffic’s already a nightmare.”

In the final act, K-9 confronts Anubis atop the museum roof, the counter-frequency generator humming beside him. Anubis calls him “a mere machine pretending to be alive.” K-9 responds, “Correction: I am alive. You, however, are running outdated software.” Then he activates the device.

A shockwave of energy ripples through the city, breaking Anubis’s psychic hold. The “god” howls as his form destabilizes, revealing a withered alien beneath the gold. He’s pulled back into a dimensional rift, vowing to return. (They always do.) The statues crumble, the Thames returns to its usual grayish green, and Londoners collectively decide it was “probably a publicity stunt.”

Later, in the lab, Gryffen muses that perhaps myths hold grains of truth. Starkey says he’ll start a cult for K-9 instead. K-9 deadpans, “Statement: Worship not required. Tribute in lithium cells acceptable.”